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‘I have an idea.’ My head spun to her. ‘Oh yes? What can we possibly do about this? It can’t continue and yet how will I stop loving two women? Do I choose between you? Do I leave and make sure I never return? What? What’s your idea?’ I stopped in front of her. ‘We’ll move to America. Find somewhere to live where people are non-judgmental. Live together as a family, loving each other as we wish to love.’ As stupid a notion as it sounded, it held the answer to what I wanted. To what I’d been missing in my life. I hadn’t realised it until that moment. I wanted them both and I wanted to make love to them both. Life without them wouldn’t be worth existing in. But it wouldn’t be possible to live that way in my English country village. The racism would be too much to live with. There was a chance it would be possible in South Africa. ‘Why don’t we live here?’ ‘Maybe in another 20 years a relationship like ours could survive here. Not yet. There’s still too much ingrained apartheid around.. I wouldn't have minded if it did.) For at least a month, though, nothing happened.But then my friend and his girlfriend started having issues. I never asked what they were, but it became apparent that something was up when she started texting me more often and about more personal things. She would ask me things like, "Are you still hooking up with that girl Carol? She doesn't even swallow!" or she'd tell me how long it's been since she'd been fucked ("It's been almost a week, I can barely go a day!"). I started to learn things about her that I never imagined, like her almost uncontrollable masturbation sessions, which she always disguised with "taking a nap" while I'd be one room away. The idea that she was making herself come less than five feet away from me was such a frustrating notion, as if some great party was going on and I mis-read the invitation and didn't show up on time. Soon, our physical hang-out sessions became almost unbearably tense. She wouldn't mention anything we'd.
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